I previously looked at how device usage can interfere with relationships but this isn't just about marriages and relationships. Its also about families. The relationship between parents and children are also under strain.
I read an article by JimTaylor (2013) which looked at how families and family life have changed going into the digital age and it really made me relate to it in the sense that it was very reflective of my own household.
When I was young, going back maybe to being my daughters age (10), I remember living in a small 2 bed flat in the same housing estate that I live on now, in fact only about 10 minutes up the road. I would spend my evening and weekends playing outside, sometimes on my own, sometimes with friends. We would go and "knock" for each other to see if they wanted to come out to play, we would roller skate or ride bikes around the streets and walk down to the shops and back. As we got a bit older we would ring first, to make sure our friends were home to come out and were given times to be home or have our mums shouting out in the street for us. I remember I had a Commodore 64 for either my birthday for Christmas one year, and thought it was great. Although the built in game for it was really hard and I could never get passed the first level so would just use it to make pictures, kind of like using Paint on the PC. As I got older I had a Game Boy and then a tv in my room, and I had a CD player with a couple of CDs when they came out, but I must've been about 13 by then.
Nowadays, the world has changed. Kids have tv's, DVD players and CD players as standard. Most will have handheld consoles as well as Games consoles, possibly multiple different ones. They have phones, iPods, tablets and iPads and then access to a laptop or PC if they don't already have their own. Instead of playing outside, they are in a room, spoilt for choice about what to play. And when they know what to play, they can be lost for hours or even days in amongst this digital reality.
My kids don't have all that, neither will they ever have all that. But with everything they do have, including all the regular toys they receive for Christmas and birthdays, the thing that I never understand is when they come in and say "I'm bored!" Bored?!? Really?!? In our house the kids are limited with their device usage. They are not allowed on the console two days in a row, all devices have to be off an hour and a half before bedtime and on weekends; they have to make sure their homework is done, their room is tidy and must've undertaken one chore before they are allowed to play on any devices. It's not always adhered to but we try to stick to it where we can.
It's hard to enforce though when we ourselves spend so much time on our phones though. Another reason why I wish my husband didn't spend so much time on his.
This article really emphasised it though. Taylor (2013) explains that there are three reasons why there is a parent/child divide brought on by technology. He states that children's absorption in their devices/technology interferes with their communication with their parents. They are too preoccupied in their games that they barely notice when their parents are in the room or talking to them. This links back to the Dolmio Pepper- Hacker advert post that I published back in September 2016.
Secondly, Taylor suggests that "as digital immigrants, parents can struggle to gain proficiency and comfort with the new technology that their digital-native children have already mastered." This is also a key element in the family scenario. I know my way around a computer. I'm 35 years old. My mum also knows her way around a computer and she is 56 years old. But when my 10 year old asks us some things, we both can easily shrug when it comes to some things the kids learn on computers nowadays. My daughter, Miss A, only said yesterday that she had ICT in school that day. When I asked what they had been doing in that class, she explained that they had been making bar graphs and pie charts to show data in regards to a topic they have been covering.
I remember making bar graphs and pie charts in school. I loved it! Getting out your ruler and compass and protractor to work out the angles and colour them all in different colours. But now there's no rulers, no compasses - it's all done on computers. Where's the fun in that?! But whereas my Powerpoint knowledge is minimal, I've done the training with it but lack of use makes me forget it all really quickly, my daughter is a whizz at it and can occasionally create presentations as part of her homework and then email her submission to her teacher. Even myself, undertaking a degree where I can email and video call my tutor online. Technology is so powerful now and a part of everyday life, so I am so glad that it is now part of the ways of teaching children to teach them to use so much technology. Even at an open day with my daughter at my old comprehensive school, they showed us things that they learn in the first three years of comp, and it was the stuff I was doing at A Level. That is how far teaching has come nowadays. Graphic design, design technology using 3D printers - its remarkable. But as parents, this is where we get left behind and are unable to interact with our children in these areas as it's not something that we have been taught or are able to use.
Thirdly, Taylor (2013) explains that children now have an "independence" in communicating with friends due to mobile technology. He explains that now children have instant messaging, social networking and mobile phone where they can connect and communicate with their friends without the knowledge or interference from their parents. So now children see this as a freedom away from their parents yet their parents see it as a "loss of connection" with their children.
He goes on to say how the children are not the only ones at fault here though as parents can distance themselves just as much through device usage. I'm guilty of it myself. I might be sat in the room with my family and get a text. So I answer it. Then I notice a Facebook notification, so I check it and then unconsciously start to scroll through Facebook. To which point my husband might say "Mand, Master I is talking to you!" or "Miss A just asked you a question" and my subconscious hasn't registered it as I was too involved in reading a meaningless post. So then I feel guilty. I think this is why I do attempt to make a conscious effort not to use my phone too much when my kids are around. Or at all if I can help it, not in the sense to lose myself in games or anything anyway.
The closing statement of the article is something that really hits home though and something I really don't want to happen in my own family. Taylor (2013) says that times have changed dramatically and that work and other commitments take up so much time that the fact that technology is now included in there as well, family time is growing to be a thing of the past. People just don't have the time to have quality time together as a family unit. And due to this divide between parents and children "Less connection - the real kind - means that families aren't able to build relationships as strong as they could be nor are they able to maintain them as well." He goes on to say "children will feel less familiarity, comfort, trust, security and, most importantly, love, from their parents."
I'm not sure how much I agree with that last sentence. I think that despite this family divide created by technology and its usage, parents can still show security, trust, comfort and most importantly, love, to their children. There is a lot of device usage in this house but I still maintain a secure and comfortable home for my children. I know they are still young, but I always emphasise to them how much love there is for them and how much they can feel secure with us. Personally, I do feel a slight disconnection with my eldest now that she spends her time making Musical.ly videos on her iPod and sharing them with her friends on her app. Also the fact that she loves spending time on You Tube watching her favourite You Tubers but we still make time to have family time and when we go away, we don't take the kids devices so that we can spend time together without any interferences. It's important to keep some connection with the children and to fight the divide that technology can create. And, if possible, try to take some time every now and again where you can all spend time together.
References:
Taylor, J., (2013) Is Technology Creating A Family Divide? [Online], Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201303/is-technology-creating-family-divide, [Accessed 11th January 2017]
Bibliography:
Lowin, R., (2013), How cell phones are affecting families - and what to do about it [Online], Available at: http://www.today.com/parents/how-cell-phones-are-affecting-families-what-do-about-it-t37111, [Accessed 11th January 2017]
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