The impact of devices on relationships

The work I am undertaking and the photographs I am producing are giving an insight into my own personal space. The photographs are predominantly of my husband and give the viewer a glance into our relationship. The fact that the device usage is high in our house, between us all - not just my husband, I think is reflective of any house in today's society but to photograph and document my husband and his device use specifically gives a brief but important look into how it affects our relationship.
I often feel, when I am writing notes or photographing him, that the view is very one sided. I know I use my devices a lot; nowhere near as much as he does, but I do still use them a lot and so I do try to include my own usage in my notes. I even take photos of my own devices sometimes. However, I'm sure it would look like a lot more if someone were to be documenting and photographing me.
The point of my project is that I feel that my own usage is normally for two reasons.

1. Everyone else / my husband is using his / asleep and so I do it out of boredom
2. I am using my device for a specific purpose, i.e. checking internet banking, searching for something online 

My children and husband spend a lot of time on devices playing games and my husband spends a long time on social media whereas I get bored with it easily. I feel that, at times, the devices interfere with time that could be spent together, enjoying each others company, for example when we are in bed; He can spend a lot of time on his phone or iPad when we could be talking and spending time together. 

I thought that my own was an abnormal case. The truth is, that after looking at some articles online, it's not abnormal at all. It's actually quite a common occurrence. 

Fig 1. Screenshot of Google search suggestions relating to Husband's phone usage

A quick statement on my computers search engine saying My husband is always on his phone brings up a list of frequent statements searched in relation to my own, as shown in fig 1 above.  

My husband is always on his phone; my husband is always on his phone playing games; my husband is always checking his phone; my husband always hides his phone; they are all statements that other people have searched making me believe that my own relationship is part of a worldwide issue, where others are under the same strain due to this continuous device usage. Even a search of  my wife is always on her phone brings up similar results.

I have read many articles about how technology and it's usage can put strain on relationships, whether it be in the bedroom or on a date. Andrew K. Przybylski and Netta Weinstein of the University of Essex published a study in 2012 where they had experimented how the presence of mobile communication technology influenced face-to-face conversation quality. Two experiments were done under set conditions, where a two strangers were placed in a room to converse; one room had a mobile phone placed on the table, the other had a pocket notebook instead. In one experiment, the conversations were to be casual and in the other, the conversations were manipulated to be either casual or meaningful. The study found that "the mere presence of mobile phones inhibited the development of interpersonal closeness and trust, and reduced the extent to which individuals felt empathy and understanding from their partners." It also states that "More interesting, the debriefing procedure suggests that these effects might happen outside of conscious awareness."

The fact that a mobile phone was present in the room somehow and limited the conversation and the way the partners interacted with each other. When the partners were to talk about a meaningful subject, a connection was made between them which was present in the room without the phone but apparently this connection didn't appear to be made in the room where the phone was present. This study shows that just the mere presence of a phone can inhibit how a relationship forms and is maintained. 

An article written by Sarah Griffiths for Mail Online (2014) quotes psychologists from two US universities that suggest that smartphones can be the 'third wheel'  in a relationship. As with my own relationship, constant use of a smartphone or other mobile device can create a barrier between you and your significant other. The article states that a survey found "almost three quarters of women in committed relationships feel that smartphones are interfering with their love life and are reducing the amount of time they spend with their partner."  The article also quotes Dr Brandon McDaniel (2015), of The Pennsylvania State University, who conducted the survey with Sarah Coyne of Brigman Young University in Utah as saying "This is likely a circular process that people become trapped in where allowing technology to interfere, even in small ways, in one's relationship at least sometimes causes conflict, which can begin to slowly erode the quality of their relationship."  So even by using devices or phones only occasionally when at the table, or on a date or in bed, it could eventually cause an argument between partners which then causes more even conflict in the future. 

But this loss of intimacy and breakdown of relationships is also backed up in another article by Jovell Alingod & Barrie Davenport (2013).  This article doesn't agree that our relationships are being 'ruined' by devices but does suggest that "they can harm it in devious ways". These devices are amazing things when you think about it. You've got access to a world of information in your hands. But social media can be a remarkable but also dangerous factor. Alingod and Davenport suggest here that "Smartphones get in the way of our relationships, making it impossible for us to wholeheartedly devote our attention to the present moment. As a result, we lose many moments of wonder that are unique and never to be lived again."  I can agree with this statement. In the case of my own husband, he can get so wrapped up in his devices that he can be lost in them for hours. We are all guilty of it in a way. Sat on the sofa scrolling through Facebook, not paying attention to those sat around us. It's a common occurrence for me when we sit around after dinner at my parents house. But on a relationship level, smartphones can stir up uneasy feelings between couples from a personal point of view. I find it difficult to connect and relax with my husband while we are in bed if he is sat there on his phone or Ipad for the entire night. Plus there's the added thought that is always in the back of my mind "what exactly is he doing on there that takes so much time?" Then he might show me something on Facebook and I see he has a few messages showing on his messenger bubble which makes me wonder who he is messaging. It makes me uneasy but I think that is my own low self esteem which leads to paranoia thinking that my husband may be messaging other women. This is also leads me into an article on CNN.com by Ian Kerner (2011) where it states that social media can lead to infidelity. The article suggests that "Until the advent of Facebook, though, most of us were compelled to leave the past in the past and move on. But now exes of all stripes - high school sweethearts, college lovers, former hook ups - are popping up on Facebook. When two people strike up an online friendship, it's easy to idealize each other and blur the line between fantasy and reality. An intense sense of intimacy is quickly fostered, particularly if intimacy was once shared in the past." I think this is an important factor to note. With social media, we can now contact people and search for people worldwide. And while this has countless advantages, it can also have negative ones. If someone finds an old flame, or previous lover online, who they felt very strong feelings for, its now easy to be able to connect with those people again. And when your partner spends a lot of time on social media, and hides their phones - in the way that they are very secretive with it - it's easy for someone to be curious. Then if they are already in a low mood state in their relationship, it's very easy to let your mind wander as to whether their partners are talking to other people or worse, meeting other people, online. Online dating sites now also make it easy to meet people online so you have a world of opportunity in the palm of your hand. Even if one doesn't ever mean to act on anything by chatting or even flirting with people online, it doesn't make it any easier for the relationship you are already in.

There are so many articles online now in this area, it confirms that it is a worldwide issue and I think people will connect and relate to my own project purely for this reason. The internet is a wonderful tool and can bring so many people together, even on other sides of the world. It can allow us to never feel alone, with social networks allowing us to engage as much or as little as we like at any time of the day or night. However, it becomes a problem when we rely too much on the digital world and forget the people who are right there with us.

Fig 2: Quote found on Facebook from ThinkingHumanity.com

Figure 2 is a quote that I saw and screenshot on Facebook and I think it extremely relevant in the case of this project. I don't begrudge my husband using his devices at all. I could never be the person to disallow or limit his device usage. He's a grown man and I have no place telling him what to do. But I will tell him when I think he is using them too much and when I'm unhappy about it. I do feel alone sometimes when i'm laying in bed with him laying next to me. It sounds silly but he may as well not be there. We can go hours without saying a word, all because his mind is submerged in his digital reality.

With this project, I want to physically show, through the diary entires and photographs, that people are not alone. That this is something that others also share. But I also want to highlight to my own husband and family, if I do include family photographs in as well, exactly how much time passes while we are caught up in our devices. My husband doesn't think he spends a lot of time on them. And as I stated earlier in this text, I don't realise just how much time I spend on mine, but by documenting the times and photographing him on the devices, it might just confirm to him just how excessive his device usage can be.

References: 
Davenport, B. & Allingod, J., (2013), How smartphones could be ruining your relationship [Online], Available at: http://liveboldandbloom.com/10/relationships/how-smartphones-could-be-ruining-your-relationship, [Accessed 11th January 2017)
Griffiths, S., (2014), Are you 'in love' with your SMARTPHONE? 75% of women admit devices are ruining their relationship [Online], Available at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2862432/Are-love-SMARTPHONE-75-women-admit-devices-ruining-relationships.html, [Accessed 4th January 2017]
Kerner, I., (2011), E-motional affairs: How Facebook leads to infidelity [Online], Available at: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/03/e-motional-affairs-how-facebook-leads-to-infidelity/, [Accessed 11th January 2017]
McDaniel, B., (2015), Technoference: How Technology Can Hurt Relationships [Online], Available at: http://family-studies.org/technoference-how-technology-can-hurt-relationships/, [Accessed 11th January 2017]

Przybylski, A.K. & Weinstein, N., (2012), Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality [Online], Available at: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407512453827, [Accessed 4th January 2017]

Bibliography:
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Bruzek, A., (2014), Want to perk up your love life? Put away that smartphone [Online], Available at: http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/12/03/368213774/don-t-let-technoference-ruin-your-love-life, [Accessed 11th January 2017]
Kerner, I., (2011), Internet Infidelity - Is it time to snoop? [Online], Available at: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/12/22/internet-infidelity-is-it-time-to-snoop/, [Accessed 11th January 2017]
Kerner, I,. (2013), Your Smartphone May Be Powering Down Your Relationship [Online], Available at: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/01/10/health/kerner-social-relationship/, [Accessed 11th January 2017]
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